Happy now year!

Ever since I can remember my family was never too attached to celebrating certain holidays on the actual day they fell on, nor did they stick to any sort of annual "family holiday tradition", and even some years we wouldn't even celebrate the holiday at all. I could appreciate this in my Grandmother especially, she never wanted to do anything the same each year for Christmas. She'd say something like "Why create any sort of tradition? We are completely different people now than we were a whole year ago." I guess it was kind of a relief because it took away any pressure on building up any expectation as to how it was going to be the "perfect Christmas."

But if there was one holiday that I've always looked forward to, it would have to be New Years. Most years, my family and I would be on a train, heading across the country to Chicago, where we would visit our living spiritual teacher. It was amazing. Thousands of people from all over the world would come together to celebrate the dawning of the New Year with meditation and all different kinds of musical performances from different cultural backgrounds. I met some of the most interesting people on those trips. Plus, everyone setting their intentions to better themselves and the world was very powerful as well.

Normal tradition for me (if I even have one for the New Year) has usually been revamping my vision board and writing out my never-ending list of all the things I want to accomplish in the next year or so. For some reason though, this year tends to feel kind of different. I haven't written "the list", my vision board has grown a new layer of skin - dust - and I'm actually kind of loving it. I'm not saying that I've thrown in the towel (or whatever the expression is) on achieving things to better myself, I'm just having more acceptance with the way my life is. Here. In this moment. Now.

For the first time in my life, I can genuinely say that I'm not experiencing any sort of feelings of  anxiousness for the New Year. My mind wants to experience SOO many things in this lifetime, but I'm starting to relax into the idea that not all of them may happen........ and that's okay. It's funny how the mind tends to think 'only in the future when I'm doing this, then, will I truly be happy.'  A sort of "until then" mentality. I feel anxiousness comes from worrying about the future, wanting more, or not having enough time to accomplish things, but in all actuality there really is no future. 

One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle (oh how I love thee), states this idea pretty simply: 
  
"The past and future are thought forms, mental abstractions. The past can only be remembered Now. What you remember is an event that took place in the Now and you remember it Now. The future, when it comes, is the Now. So the only thing that is real, the only thing that ever is, is the Now." 

I also feel a lot of my anxiety used to come from avoiding what is going on in the moment. I used to always be thinking "Okay, this is done, now what am I going to do next?" But I'm finding peace in just observing the world, as it is. I'm finding more comfort in silence, in the space between words that are exchanged with others. A true human-being. I attribute a lot of this patience that I'm experiencing to practicing meditation and yoga which heighten my awareness and strengthen this relationship to my intuitive voice. I'm not basing all my goals/direction/decisions off my compulsive thinking. Instead, by honoring this higher voice, I'm led right exactly to where I need and more importantly want to be. I'm not saying that I am becoming a less grounded person, like a light leaf, only to be thrown around by every breeze of life. Or sitting on my bum, playing video games and letting life pass me by because I'm enjoying my realm of comfort. In fact it's quite the opposite. 

A quote I read from my chiropractics office has stuck with me, it said: "Don't live up to anyone's expectations. Not even your own."

 I'm still making goals, but I'm not turning to my mind for all the answers. There is power in sitting in silence. Which takes patience in waiting for the answers, but is so much more fulfilling when they arrive. It is the creative force that is always there to guide you. A source of power that is way more in rhythm with all of creation than your petty little mind will ever have you believe. Why not go with it? Why resist? I have based major decisions in my life all off of strange coincidences, premonition dreams, and deja vu experiences. I have faith in trusting my higher voice because of these experiences, and it hasn't led me wrong. You know when something is right because you feel it. 

Today really isn't the day, month, nor year. It's now.