Soul: Good morning, you're awake. I have been sitting here patiently. Are you ready to rise above?

Mind: Yes. But first I need to ask: Why do I have to experience anxiety first in order to remember that you exist? When can I let go of being a victim of these emotions, and begin to feel your presence with me all the time?

Soul: You are only the witness. Have gratitude that you have a body and a heart to experience these feelings. Tell me what happens to you physically when you experience the anxiety.

Mind: The levels of intensity are always different. When I feel the rush of emotions coming, I begin to shake out of my own skin. A feeling of a newborn child who is extremely vulnerable.

Soul: These feelings are constructive. These are what help you reflect on your old self. Your old ways of acting/thinking/living. Your body shakes because it wants to change. It's trying to communicate to you that it can't live in these old patterns anymore. It is showing you that you are ready to evolve, like a snake shedding out of its old skin.

Mind: Can I trust that it is okay to become who I really want to be? What if the world doesn't support me? Sometimes I feel too attached to things, too judgmental, or that I am too conditioned as to what the world thinks is important. When I honor this higher self sometimes I feel that I am alone.

Soul: You can only begin to trust this guiding force inside you through experience, never go off of blind faith. Experience is what's real. Just as the sun sets, you know through experience that the sun will also rise again. I am in everything, the life force, the effortless effort that gives you your very own breath.  I guide/direct you through signs or "coincidences".  Also the people and relationships in your life are the other gifts of grace that I give to you. Some people are the mirrors in your life to help you reflect upon where you are in life, while others are the channels or arrows to help point you in the right direction.
Honoring this path is not easy, but it is the ones who are truly willing to brave the world that will have a fulfilling life. No matter how high your level of consciousness becomes, there will continue to be ups and downs in life.  It's all about how you react.

Mind: I want to come from this higher understanding of life in every thought, word and deed. How can I keep this feeling at my center?

Soul: Have patience. The joy of living is journey. Reflect on your achievements so far, they are the strength and proof that you are willing and on your way. Just the fact that in this moment you are able to remember who you really are is the greatest achievement of it all.     

crawled off to sleep in the bath

 

Taking a bath in my mind today, it feels like I'm stewing in my own filth. My hands and feet are beginning to prune, and my brain is starting to show signs of aging with all its wrinkles. It's the kind of day where you want to wash away your old habits, old ways of thinking, and cleanse from the inside out. Reminiscing on my days as a child, my mother would lovingly bear the weight of my thoughts. With ease, she poured a cup over my head, and a joyous release of stress would roll off my shoulders. I sit here now, as my soul continues to hold my brain afloat, keeping me from drowning in my own thoughts, and reminding me as to who's really in charge. Unplug the tub, and all my worries begin to spiral down the drain.

<3,
A

This has been something really tough for me lately... My purpose.

   Growing up, my family never really had a lot of money.  We spent a lot of our time doing activities that were free, like going to the ocean, riding bikes, crafting/art projects, hiking/nature walks, etc. Most of our furniture in our home was purchased at garage sales, and as a child a lot of my clothes were from a thrift store. Being a single mother, my mom had two jobs to support my little brother and me. She was a preschool teacher during the week, and on the weekends she worked as a cashier at a local health food store. I felt really blessed with her career choices, mainly because there were always an endless amount of craft supplies for me to dive into from her school, such as: paints, charcoal, water coloring, glue, paste, pom pom fuzzy wuzzys with googlie eyes, you name it. Plus since she worked at a health food store, we ate really really well. A vegetarian diet was introduced to me at a very young age, and eating things like kale and swiss chard in my lunches was considered normal (of course I would try to trade them at school for other kids gushers and dunkeroo's, which never worked).
   Anyways, my mom always witnessed how creative I was, and after many years of continuing to make art myself, I've always thought it would be amazing to have my work/creations support me as a career one day. Key word: ONE DAY... My current career today is teaching Yoga, which I truly am passionate about, but lately I wonder if I need more. These beautiful images I have in my mind to write a book, create a movie, capture a photograph, write a play, design a clothing line, write music, etc! etc! etc! are all just swirling around in my head, going to waste, when they are screaming to come out. Like a trapped, brilliant child I've been underfeeding, just whispering, "don't worry child, I haven't forgotten you, ONE DAY."
 Here's the real issue though, I already have worked in the creative field with fashion/hair/make-up, working runway and print work for magazines, and T.V. up in L.A. Most of my work in that industry was very outside the box or "avant-garde", which I loved, and my inner creative child was overfed to the point of obesity. But as I became more successful, I also became a very toxic person. Everything around me felt like an illusion, they way people treated each other was soo competitive, and who you were as far as being a "somebody that mattered" was all based on your EGO. It was killing me slowly, and the higher up I got on the success ladder, the less I could see the ground and remember what was really important in life.
  Then, it happened. I got in one of the biggest car accidents of my life. I was rear ended by a car going 60mph while stopped at a traffic light, and my whole spine was crunched, knees hit the glove box, and head went straight into the wind shield. The timing was strange because I had just driven home that day from what was probably one of the biggest events in my career, and then on the same day was in one of the biggest car accidents of my life. When big things happen to you like this, it's hard to not pay attention to signs of what the universe is trying to tell you. I visualize a road to your purpose, and I had gone off an exit so far from where I was supposed to be heading, and it took a huge force like the car accident to put me right back on track to my goal. Here I found yoga.
  Yoga has saved me, it was the only thing that felt right to begin to heal my body in its fragile state, and I'm grateful for it everyday. I was so inspired that I began to teach it to other people, and felt I was finally doing something with my life that actually mattered, something that was making a true difference in the world. Even to this day I love seeing the difference in people's overall being change from when they first walked in the door, stressed out and angry, to when they walk out, happy, carefree, and almost intoxicated =D  The difference is like night and day. I have always enjoyed nurturing/taking care of people, bringing lightness into people's lives, and to this day I still find creativity in creating the dance aspect of my yoga flows. I have taken dance lessons for most of my life, and for my choreography/flows to have a benefit on an alignment/anatomical level as well is such a beautiful blessing of both worlds.
  This is why I fear coming back into a workforce as an artist. Simply for the fact that I already have a career in Yoga, which helps so many people, and keeps myself grounded too. My previous job in L.A. taught me that even in your most successful moments of your work, it can all be taken away from you, and when you're on the outside looking in you may ask: did that job really even matter? I guess this introspection is good from time to time. I know I'll continue to create art, but maybe just for myself, and continue with my selfless work in yoga.
<3, A